There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think my moral compass just broke
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