awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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