wakey wakey hands off snakey
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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