i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
