I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize