Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She bit a glass in half.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
