I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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