There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
