i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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