I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
