just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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