thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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