My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
