It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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