In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
