When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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