dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
