Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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