do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize