yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
