Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
