Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
