did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
