That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
