the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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