Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
