Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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