Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
