We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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