You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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