Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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