I'm laying in your front yard are you home
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
