What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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