You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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