So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
