Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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