I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
