he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
