Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
