I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
