I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
