just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
