there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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