Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
