wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you told grandpa to call you daddy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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