No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize