oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
