There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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