I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sarcasm needs its own font
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize