so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
