Your mouth is God's brothel.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You can't motorboat a personality
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
