i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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