She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
