Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
