So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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