I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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