In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
