im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
