Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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