You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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