My first STD was from a foam party
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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