this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
