babies were throwing up all over the place
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
