i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize