The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
