So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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