How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
