even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
