She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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