I didn't shave. On purpose
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
