I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
