I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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