watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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