hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
