I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
