Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
