She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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