Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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