i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
