I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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