The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
