She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
