They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize