Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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