i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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