Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
