I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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