the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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