You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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