She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
