Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
