The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
