I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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