At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize