I seem to have left my pride at pride
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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