she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
