I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
