I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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