I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
