I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
