A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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