Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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